am I fine?

am I fine...
even if apparently no-one wanna share an happy moment with me?
even if no-one seems to care about the things they say and do to me?
even if I always smile and make everyone else do the same?

am I really fine? or is it just my illusion?

I think I am fine, but no-one gives a crap. People are always too busy thinking about their own things: when they're happy cus they're happy, when they're sad cus they're sad.. I kinda understood u gotta deal with ur own things but how come I do care about other people too?! I do care about making that 1 call, saying that 1 thing that I know they'll appreciate? why? why am I like this? and why no-one ever cared about the semplicity of my actions?

Why when things are easy people wanna make them difficult? and / or the opposite?
I sound like a teenager going through a crise, don't I?! but yes, I feel like shit. Like everything I did till now didn't bring me any good, like I always mistook, misunderstood, overthought, dreamed... Don't dream: it is a mistake! Then it all goes wrong and u are lost in the dream of urs. Don't.. even if it is the most beautiful thing, people have forget about dreaming. They forgot about being a child, they forgot about being honest, about the humanity we have. and I am not f*cking religious.. but I was sure that we, as humans, had more capabilities, that are inside our nature. instead the more I grow older, the more all become superficial, the magic has no sense no more, mistery don't exist anymore.
It's only about this thing people call 'society'. Waz that? It's just a thought: how can they live on a thought and forget about dreaming? I will die one day, everyone will, and I can't care less what society thought of me, I just wish I lived my most: risking, changing, and taking my chances.. I lost, I won, I drew. I found happiness in all of these, therefore I am crazy. I am crazy only because I do not care what television says, or what clothes I wear, I only care about what my body feels, because that's the only thing I can be sure about. All the rest could be fake. Or unknown. But in my 29 years I mostly met people who prefer to listen outside and never inside. Never...
and this makes me feel so freaking alone.

I wish someday people will have to understand (an this will happen when they'll also finally destroyed our Earth) that all this was just a Big Bullshit. That clothes, parties, money aren't the most important thing, that there is only one important thing: to be alive. To have the chance of breathing fresh air and enjoying the view of the sky. To have the chance of treating other animals (people included) respectfully. Because the smile of someone can give u back life.

I am what I feel... and because of this I am alone.