Poison Call

I didnt feel nothing when my mom told me that my dad had injested poison by accident. She said it was okay and she was laughing about it, just a simple little accident. She had no idea of the reaction that started growing inside me. It was just a little accident, nothing had happened. Nothing had happened that day. But what if?! Nothing could have been done. I would have been left here alone to cry in silence over the loss of my father. What would I do?! Do I really want to live in this far place? Why do we have telephones? They make everything so real and quick to know.. and I feel so powerless and slow. It would take minimum one day to catch a plain to go there. In panic, assaulted by desperation. Do I really want that?! Don't you find it harder to think when you feel empty? Don't you feel powerless too? I am a very strong person but I am worried I could feel empty inside if the phone would give me such a news. Then I think, I have chosen my path. I have made this real. It's nobody's else doing. I felt like Dante in his Inferno. I watched Dante's Inferno. I watched funny movies that supposed to make me laugh and they managed to make me cry. Absolute disaster. I should have watched David Lynch, I felt like it. I need to get some. Sometimes the weirdness in my head can be similar to his, I dont understand his movies same as I dont understand my thoughts. Interesting analogy. Maybe he is also a schizoparanoid like me. I like schizoparanoids. Even if I feel sorry for them/us. It really feels like Dante's Inferno, only you make your own demons. Funny how they can become the scariest of all.