Poison Call

I didnt feel nothing when my mom told me that my dad had injested poison by accident. She said it was okay and she was laughing about it, just a simple little accident. She had no idea of the reaction that started growing inside me. It was just a little accident, nothing had happened. Nothing had happened that day. But what if?! Nothing could have been done. I would have been left here alone to cry in silence over the loss of my father. What would I do?! Do I really want to live in this far place? Why do we have telephones? They make everything so real and quick to know.. and I feel so powerless and slow. It would take minimum one day to catch a plain to go there. In panic, assaulted by desperation. Do I really want that?! Don't you find it harder to think when you feel empty? Don't you feel powerless too? I am a very strong person but I am worried I could feel empty inside if the phone would give me such a news. Then I think, I have chosen my path. I have made this real. It's nobody's else doing. I felt like Dante in his Inferno. I watched Dante's Inferno. I watched funny movies that supposed to make me laugh and they managed to make me cry. Absolute disaster. I should have watched David Lynch, I felt like it. I need to get some. Sometimes the weirdness in my head can be similar to his, I dont understand his movies same as I dont understand my thoughts. Interesting analogy. Maybe he is also a schizoparanoid like me. I like schizoparanoids. Even if I feel sorry for them/us. It really feels like Dante's Inferno, only you make your own demons. Funny how they can become the scariest of all.

The immune system, social life and modern society

I have been studying neuropsychology lately for my University and lessons often referred to stress and immune system. Now, I am due to my exam, next week actually, but the more I read about the immune system, the more I see the relation between our social life and our health. Researchers have found a strong link between how happy and non-stressed a person is and his/her immune system response. But before diving deep into the subject with critiques and ideas, I quickly explain how it works. In stressfull situations, our immune system first shuts down, to allow the animal (us) a safe and quick escape. Our immune system in fact slows down to allow quick reactions to take place, it then start working and repairing the "damage". Why does this happen? As explained in my book, because of evolution. Stress in animal land is only lasting few moments. Only in human land we carry on stress for days, months and even years. Of course in nature, a stressful situation, e.g. being attacked, does not last forever. So it makes sense that our brain first sends signal to our body to escape, find a safe place and the heal. During the healing process our immune system comes in place. But we humans, so uphight individuals, we like to stress over period of times, deteriorating our poor immune system. In fact, it has been prooved that when we are stressed our immune system slows down and doesn't work properly anymore. So Sapolsky in 1992 made a list of the first physiological responses to stress and its consequences after a prolonged time {here}. Furthermore it has been found that isolation and other social factors can lead to a longer recovery from stress and thus could lead people in isolation or depression to a earlier death {here}. And here come my thoughts: I have been previously writing an essay about altruism in our society, one thing that I will never forget is the fact that many social psychologist think that empathy is nowadays avoided because our society is actually an individualistic society. So: am I doomed to die early if I stress to fit in society? I always thought so, but in this moment it feels really like I have the sicentific proof that I should notstress to meet "any" society's standards. The problem is: I am also convinced that this society has been programmed to isolate individuals, it promotes anti-empathy and egoism and it certainly does not promote helping sick individuals. Actually, it seems quite the opposite. If you're not a winner, but a loser, than you should die earlier o_0 !!! Hmkay... I always asked people to tell me their definition of winners and losers applied to our society, because everytime their answers crack me up. I am however "very" scared that this is not going well. My book ends the chapter on immune system with the following sentence: "So perhaps one of the best ways to deal with stress is to build strong friendships and a happy family" (Breedlove, Rosenzweig & Watson, 2007). Mr Breedlove, that is a very nice sentence and I think you're right. However, how can you do it?! It is not "that" easy nowadays to find trustable friends (real ones) and a mate that wants to actually be with you everyday. I still have troubles finding any of the two... Jee. This sentence seems like a death sentence to me. I live in a foreign country, isolated from my family and dear ones, with a chronic pain that I had to deal on my own, without work... Yes, the above seems like a death sentence to me. So what do I have to do?! I won't stress about it. It's the only possibility to keep alive! Don't be stressed cus it f**ks you up! Don't be depressed, cus then the immune system doesn't work. Don't isolate yourself, but also keep out from those people that f**k you up because they stress you more than you think and stress may kill you (prematurely! Be aware and please note that we are ALL going to die sooner or later! it just pisses me off to read the death sentence now!). Be aware also not to be hostile, cus that means you're a Type A personality and may develope cardiac problems sooner than the rest of people... So, don't be mad, don't get angry, find someone to love, surround yourself with friend who love you and support you, live in peace...... and, if I may add, good luck with it!
Thanks Biopsychology book.... There's a great lesson inside you.

The shadows of Hiroshima

Only yesterday, after more than 33 years of life and after 66 years from the Hiroshima bombing (1945), I came acrross pictires of the Hiroshima shadows.
Well to get a detailed explanations of how that worked (A-bomb, radiation, heat and exposure of shadown on the groud) there are other webstes you can visit like this.
Here I want to concentrate on the effect I received looking at them. I am a photographer so I was quite impressed. I also felt quite historically ashamed that I didnt' know about them before.
I imagined what I would be looking at before the A-bomb, and you see really the shape of people standing, hugging, sitting. In less than a second, and hopefully without pain for them, they've been wiped away forever. But their shadows remained. This is not coincidence. It is not to remember the a-bomb. Those shadows are there for us to remember the moments. One moment is enough to make an impression that will last forever. Moments are what compose a big event. Moments, like details, are important to create a bigger picture. Each moment is sacred, for it exists only in that moment. One moment is enought to change everything, to cancel, restart, move on, move back, just move, to turn things around, to see someone's birth, or death. And we so much take all moments  for granted.......
For photos and history: here